


so tell me when you're gunna let me in (i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin)

by katebishoop



Series: tumblr prompts [21]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Love Confessions, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6886735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katebishoop/pseuds/katebishoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something bright in the sky catches both their eyes, and they look up to see a shooting star - an actual one this time - blazing across the sky.</p><p>A ghost of a smile graces Clarke’s lips as she turns back to him. “I know what I’d wish for.”</p><p>For peace. For safety. To find a new place they can call home. To heal, to move on. For them to be happy. For <i>him</i>.</p><p>“I’m tired of wishing,” Bellamy says, not looking at her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so tell me when you're gunna let me in (i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin)

**Author's Note:**

> **anonymous asked** : bellarke + [somewhere only we know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KHJKj9GgsI) by keane

No one had ever told her, but Clarke had figured out how Bellamy got those cuts on his face.

She first suspected it when they were building the signal fire, what felt like a lifetime ago when they were trying to find Luna. Octavia had stood up, angrily yelling at him, a stick in her hand. That wasn’t what tipped her off though - it was Bellamy’s reaction. He froze, eyeing the stick warily; she saw his adam's apple bob with a nervous swallow.

It had been an inkling then - but now, now she knew it to be true.

They’d got out of the tower, got the rover, grabbed the rest of their friends in Arkadia - and just drove from there, till the battery had run out. The ground had never been their home, their people had been. And now their entire civilization could fit into the rover, so that’s what they did. They drove, and drove, and drove, hoping to find a place where the dirt between their toes didn’t feel like ash and the rivers weren’t tinted red with blood. They didn’t want to sleep on graveyards anymore.

They had a fire going, most of their people were already asleep - but she was awake, and so were the Blake siblings.

She couldn’t even lie to herself, she’d been watching him. Since coming out of the City of Light… She had woke up clinging to him, saying his name, fulfilling her promise… But then they had to run, and even though they sat together in the back of the rover, his arms around her to keep her upright, they hadn’t had a moment alone.

She’s been working up the courage to go over to him, but he gets up the courage to go to his sister first.

They’re whispering - Octavia more like hissing - and she can’t make it out. But then Octavia shoots up from the log she’s sitting on, hands clenched into fists, and Bellamy flinches. He flinches, covering before his sister, shrinking back.

And as Octavia storms off to the other site of their little camp, she knows exactly what happened to his face.

When she had asked him if he was okay, even farther back in time, at Niylah’s, he had looked surprised. Confused that someone had asked him that, and gruffed out that he was fine.

But none of them were really fine, and he definitely wasn’t.

When she places a hand on his shoulder, he jumps. But when he sees that it’s her, some of the tension eases in him.

“Let’s take a walk.”

He blinks at her, but then gives a tiny nod and stands up. She takes his hand in both of hers and she’s thankful he doesn’t object.

They go deep into the surrounding woods, but she makes sure that can still see the glimmer of orange behind them. When the trees start to thin out, she decides that’s a good place to stop.

They sit back against a fallen tree. Bellamy brings his knees up to his chest, his free arm coming around them. Their hands hang limply together between them.

They used to carry the world on their shoulders, then the world fell at their feet. Now there wasn’t a world left. That should be freeing, in a way - but it somehow was even more crushing. But here, with him, Clarke could finally take a moment to breathe.

She doesn’t say anything, just like last time, she waits until he’s ready to talk.

It’s a long while before he finally says: “I nothing to her.”

Clarke shifts a little to face him, “No, Bell-”

“I thought… when we were captured, they tried to take me away at one point.”

Clarke sucks in a sharp breath. “Bellamy.”

She can still hear the words come out of her mother’s mouth, sending a chill down Clarke’s spine: “ _Start with Bellamy Blake._ ”

She had no idea what would have happened if they had brought him up.

“She… she was _worried_ about me.” A sad, empty smile creeps onto his face before disappearing again. “I thought… but she’s _still…_ ” He shakes his head.

“ _Bellamy_ ,” she pleads, squeezing his hand, “she’s your sister-” She regrets that word choice immediately, because she can see him repeating the mantra behind his eyes: _my sister, my responsibility_. She knows very little of his mother, but she resents the woman so much for drilling into him that his life is second to anyone else’s. “-she _needs_ you. But she needs time too, to figure out-”

“She doesn’t though,” Bellamy says, voice hollow. “Before… before Mount Weather blew up, she was getting ready to leave. She didn’t need me then, I’m dead to her now.”

There’s a stinging in Clarke’s eyes - she was desperately to shout _I need you_ , but this isn’t about her.

This was about him. This was about how he’s more than his sister’s keeper, how he’s more than his mistakes. How he’s _not_ a monster, how he’s anything but.

Clarke opens her mouth, then closes it again. Maybe _I need you_ was what he needed to hear, for himself. A reminder that he doesn’t belong to Octavia, that he has his own life to live. A reminder that there’s someone in the corner of his court, who doesn’t need anything _from_ him - just _him_.

Something bright in the sky catches both their eyes, and they look up to see a shooting star - an actual one this time - blazing across the sky.

A ghost of a smile graces Clarke’s lips as she turns back to him. “I know what I’d wish for.”

For peace. For safety. To find a new place they can call home. To heal, to move on. For them to be happy. For _him_.

“I’m tired of wishing,” Bellamy says, not looking at her.

And she’s tired of this. She can’t take Bellamy’s self-loathing anymore, because he deserves the world. A world that hasn’t been reduced to rubble, a world that their neither saved nor destroyed. He deserves to be happy, to be forgiven.

But forgiveness isn’t about what people deserve. It’s about what they need, it’s about being selfless, it’s about putting someone else’s needs above your own.

And Bellamy does that every waking minute of his life.

If anyone deserves anything in this life, it’s him.

“When I was in a City of Light,” Clarke begins, and she can see Bellamy tense. She hasn’t yet said anything of what went on in there. It still feels unreal, like a dream. “I was given a choice: I could stay, or to come home.”

It was much more complicated than that, but when it came down to it, it really wasn’t. She had made the choice before.

She lets go of his hand, and she sees a split second of panic before she places her hand on his cheek, turning him to face her. She needed him to see her, to understand. She could feel the scaring already set in under her touch from the cut Octavia gave him.

“I came home because I made a promise to you.” His eyes widen, but he doesn’t interrupt her. It was for their people too, but that’s a given - everything they’ve done they’ve done for their people. “I wasn’t going to let you bear it alone again.”

Because that’s what she had done, wasn’t it? She thought she was taking the pain away with her, to wither and wallow in the woods, but really she just trapped him in a cage. She put him in a position where he needed to be on top of everything, bearing it so their friends didn’t have too.

His mother had given him: _my sister, my responsibility_. She made his life second to Octavia’s.

She had given him: _take care of them for me_. She had made his grief second to everyone else’s.

He wasn’t angry with her anymore for leaving - he had forgiven her. But like she had told him then too, that she was still trying to forgive herself.

“I came back because I-” Clarke bit her lip. One of Bellamy’s hands has come up over hers on his face. “The City of Light wasn’t a perfect world because you weren’t in it.” She had heard his voice, calling her back - _begging_ \- and she just _knew_. “I came back because I _love_ you, Bellamy.”

Bellamy sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes widening. And she can see it in those eyes, that he doesn’t believe her, and it makes her heart which is so full of _him_ ache.

“ _Bellamy_.” Her hand moves back to twist her fingers into the curls at the back of his neck. “I love you and - and I know were messed up but I know we can fix this and I’m willing to-” Clarke swallows back a lump in her own throat. “You’re what I wished for.”

His eyes are glassy, his mouth slightly parted - like he still can’t believe it. So Clarke does the only other thing she can do: she kisses him.

She pulls him down so that his mouth is on hers. She’s trying to say everything she can’t put into words, to get him to understand in anyway that this is real.

He doesn’t respond, and she’s considering pulling back when Bellamy’s calloused hand comes up to cup her jaw, and then he’s kissing her back. They taste of ash and dirt and blood. Split lips meeting in a way that had only had before through words, through shouts and challenges and forgiveness and pleading and declarations. The kiss feels like coming home, even with Arkadia destroyed, because at the end of the day, Bellamy is the home she wanted to come back to.

And she never wants to let him go.

Her face feels sticky, but she can’t tell if it’s from her tears or his, or maybe both.

They eventually have to come up for air, but they don’t break apart. Foreheads touching, noses bumping, hot breath on their faces against the cool air of the night.

“I…” Bellamy lets out a little laugh, and it makes her heart soar. “I had given up on… on this.” He runs his fingers through her hair, and she shifts closer - they could never be close enough. “But you always find a way to surprise me.”

A smile and a laugh bubble up to the surface, and her tears become ones of joy.

“I love you, Clarke.” Bellamy whispers, “I love you so, _so_ much.”

They had made it, and for once, maybe they could have something for themselves.

They didn’t know where they were going, but it didn’t matter. They had already found the only home they’d ever need.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I want out of the season finale but all I know is that I am currently an emotional mess and that this happened?
> 
> come hang out over on [tumblr](http://bellakeyblake.tumblr.com)!


End file.
